30/05/2022, 17:13, I saw her…

I saw her, almost in the event of the moment I expected. How many times I have passed that way and not seen her but today I did. We both were taken back by the awkwardness of the moment, averting our eyes looking only straight ahead and passing each other by.

This isn’t how I wish to lead my life and so I chose to turn around. She herself had stopped round the corner. I approached, shaking, I felt so vulnerable in the situation at hand, but I had chosen my path.

I asked if I could speak to her, taking off her headphones she timidly nodded. My voice was also shaking I realised. All the heartache was visible in my voice as I asked her how she was. Even in the pain I still hold the love I had. You only know it is really love if it also hurts.

We spoke about now, I couldn’t help but let my woes fall off of my tongue into her vacancy. Presumably a new suiter, or be it the next man attempting to court her appeared but realised at the tone of conversation not to intervene; but he still lingered like a fly over rotting fruit.

I wanted to speak to her about the rumours I had heard and how I hated being a topic in others conversation, she retorted that she was not part of these rumours implying all was a fabrication of gossip between empty-headed folk.
I couldn’t help but feel, I felt a lot in that moment and it carries on now, and I felt she was getting a certain satisfaction from my sorrow. The struggle I was presenting, even now I’m still shaking, I said too much but I still have more to say.

I wished her well and stepped to part ways but my legs, my body, my soul still wanted to stay. I couldn’t stay. The conversation continued still, even after a farewell, as always happens between friends. We are not friends. I did not stay. For all of the hurt, for all that it is worth, I didn’t stay. But for all of the hurt, for all that it is worth, I’m glad I asked if she was okay…